I think my love for legalism kicked in at a very young age. I have very few memories of myself playing with abandon, without fear of consequences.
I grew up with a strong harsh sense of right and wrong. I was a black-or-white, either/or kind of girl. I saw no middle ground…for myself or for anyone else.
When I occasionally decided to break the rules and indulge in the dark side, I had fun. But my conscience would never let me stay there for long, and guilt would settle in for the long haul.
Worse, when I accidentally broke rules out of ignorance, I’d relentlessly shame myself for being so stupid.
I spent most of my life anxiously calculating my words and actions, weighing outcomes and consequences. {So exhausting!}
At age thirty, I abandoned my sense of right and wrong, and spent five months in the abyss of darkness. Once again, my conscience yanked me back, and for a while, I tipped the scales of measuring right and wrong.
But a few years ago, I began to learn that between the human world of black and white is a beautiful shade of gray called Grace. It’s the place where Mercy and Redemption step in and color everything red…in Love.
I’m learning that rest exists in gray…in Grace, for I am unable to live in the sinless white, nor do I want to live in the sinful black. In rest, I realize His Love has cleansed me of my failures, making me spotless. He redeems my gray matter.
I’m slowly trading rules for rest; legalism for Love; calculation for cleansing; anxiety for abandon; guilt for Grace.
Linking with Emily for Imperfect Prose, celebrating redemption.
rules for rest.
wow. this is amazing.
Thank you, Rachel.
Love this: ” I began to learn that between the human world of black and white is a beautiful shade of gray called Grace.”
Thanks, Nicole.
So beautiful Rebekah. I’m glad God has shown you grace and that you are living in it. That’s grace too.
Thank you, Lynn. I’m glad He continues to show me grace!
I too am very black and white in my view of things. I surround myself with mercy people in hopes of them rubbing off on me!
Court, you are wise to surround yourself with merciful people. I used to have a haughty attitude towards those who were merciful. It took me falling flat on my face, needing mercy, to become merciful.
oh, i am learning this too. this awe of the sacred balanced with a realistic view of my sinful self. bless you friend. e.
Grace is amazing, and gray is my new favorite color!