I Found Out Who I Am

I spent the weekend in Nashville at the Songwriting and Music Business Conference. It was my first songwriting conference, but certainly not my last.

I’d been a nervous wreck the entire week prior to the conference. I second-guessed my abilities as a songwriter to the point of wishing I hadn’t registered for the conference. Nevertheless, I had already paid, and the hotel was booked. In addition, {and this may come as a shock} in 37 years, I’d never been on a trip completely alone. I’ve always had my husband, my kids or friends with me. This fact alone gave me incentive to go! So I went.

After I arrived at the hotel and was waiting for the first session, I talked on the phone with a friend. I was telling her how nervous I was and that I had no idea what to expect during the conference. She gave me something to think about. She said, Find out who you are when when there’s no one around who knows you, and there’s no one for you to depend on. I kept that in mind throughout the weekend.

Up until this weekend, I’ve had very little interaction with other songwriters, other than my co-writer. I quickly found out that we’re all observers, always looking and listening for the next song idea. I also discovered that given more than a couple of minutes, we’re quick to cut past the niceties to deeper conversation. {And if you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time, you know that’s one of the desires of my heart.}

Over the course of the weekend, I discovered that I have thicker skin than I thought. During one of the listening evaluations, my song, “Katie Lynn,” got ripped to shreds. While it was certainly tough to hear, I walked out of that room determined to be a better songwriter.

I also discovered that I’m capable of getting out of my comfort zone to pursue what I love. I’m not a natural net-worker. I’ve always had the opinion that networking is nothing more than brown-nosing. I decided to ditch that thought for the weekend to see what would happen. To my surprise, I met a lot of fascinating people and gained from their experiences. In fact, I made some friends with whom I plan to stay in contact.

Something else I learned about myself this weekend is that I have more potential than I was giving myself credit for. I learned that I’m a decent songwriter with the potential to be much better, and that it’s okay to believe in my gifts. In a listening evaluation for “Turning To Stone,” one of the evaluators, publisher Bobby Rymer, gave me some great advice. He said, If you’ll peel back the layers of the lyrics, and be brutally honest, this will be the kind of song that after hearing it, people will walk up to you and want to share their own stories. That’s exactly the goal I have in mind every time I write because I believe that’s the gift God has planted inside me.

Overall, I realized I am who I thought I was all along. I’m an observer, but when given the opportunity, I dive deep past the surface. A few hours after the listening evaluation for “Turning To Stone,” I had a conversation with someone that dove past the surface within the first two minutes. As the conversation progressed, I couldn’t help but think, This is why I’m here. Yes, I was there to learn, to figure out how to hone my craft, to determine what steps I should take next, but that conversation was one of the defining moments of the weekend. I can only say that sometimes people just need permission to open up, and need someone to acknowledge and share their pain.

I think it’s safe to say that the conference was a game changer for me. I went with the thought that I may give up my dream upon returning home. Instead, I returned home knowing that the journey I’m on is vitally important. I’m excited to see where this path carries me.