My husband and I spent most of the weekend tending to our yard which we neglected over the winter months. We spruced up the flower bed, planted new bushes and flowers, put down eight bags of mulch, and pulled weeds until I thought my back might break. I’m reminded every spring that yard work is good therapy for my heart.
I was delighted to find two small sprouts of returning plants in my flower bed. I thought for sure if I hadn’t managed to kill everything in that bed, winter must’ve finished it off. Instead, I was excited to discover rebirth and new life showing up where I thought nothing good remained.
My husband was in charge of digging holes and putting the dirt in a bucket for me to use while planting flowers. I cleared the dirt of large rocks and roots before scooping it back into the holes as filler around my new plants. I was struck with the realization that in order for my plants to grow, they needed dirt to support the roots.
I suppose human life and plant life work in much the same ways. Some dirt keeps the roots in place, supporting strong growth. And just as winter comes and goes, and you think nothing good is left, spring brings little surprises.
Never let anyone shame you for the dirt in your past. It serves a purpose: your growth. And when you think all that’s good in your life has died, wait. Life might surprise you in unexpected ways.
I have been reading some of your posts after finding your blog featured in a Religious PTSD site. I am both glad and encouraged that you found such healing and insight. I was apart of a very black church over 25 years ago…and to this day I still bear the scars it has left. So much shame and regret. It hit me when you mentioned not being ashamed of your dirt because that is exactly what I am. I am a grown man and I remember breaking down in his kitchen and crying say I am so ashamed over and over. I have yet to figure out or allow myself any healing…I allowed that church to destroy my life by letting them leave me feeling like a worthless piece of shit. I chuckled when you made a statement in one of your blogs about thinking about all of the Christian authors whose books left you feeling like a piece of shit. I completely related thanks again and I will be following your blog.
Wes, thanks for reading and for sharing a bit of your story. I’m sorry you went through all that. It’s always nice to find someone who understands what you’ve been through. I’ve been in therapy for quite a while to work through it all. It’s a slow-going process. I hope you find the healing you need. Thanks for following along here!