(Catch up on the series here.)
Unresolved family conflict can unexpectedly bring to surface deeply-buried emotions.
Joseph went to visit his brothers on their third day in jail. He explained to them that he was a God-fearing man and would let them live if they did what he asked of them. He offered them an opportunity to prove that they were honest men: one brother would remain in prison while the other brothers took food home to their family then return with Benjamin.
The brothers agreed to Joseph’s plan and started talking amongst themselves.
“Now we’re paying for what we did to our brother—we saw how terrified he was when he was begging us for mercy. We wouldn’t listen to him and now we’re the ones in trouble.” Reuben broke in. “Didn’t I tell you, ‘Don’t hurt the boy’? But no, you wouldn’t listen. And now we’re paying for his murder.” (42:21-22, MSG)
Unbeknownst to the brothers, Joseph was listening to their conversation by way of an interpreter. When he heard what they said, he turned away from them and wept.
After composing himself, he had Simeon tied up as a prisoner while the rest of the brothers watched. Then, Joseph ordered for their bags to be filled with grain and for their money to be returned in their bags. He also provided them with rations for their journey, then they set off to return home and collect Benjamin.
*****
Notice that we’re not told what Joseph did on the first two days his brothers were imprisoned. We don’t know if he watched them from a distance or if he saw them at all. Perhaps he needed time to process and plan how to deal with them. I imagine Joseph had a couple of sleepless nights, tossing and turning between tears and rage.
When he finally addressed them on the third day, the first thing he said was, Do this and live, for I fear God. The unspoken implication was that Joseph had the upper hand and would kill them if they didn’t agree to his plan. In addition, it seems likely that Joseph would’ve rather killed them if not for his fear of God.
When Joseph offered his brothers the opportunity to prove they were honest men is when they were finally honest with themselves. They acknowledged Joseph’s fear and pleas for mercy when he was in the pit awaiting his fate. Interestingly, they thought they were in the presence of a stranger, not the brother they believed to be dead, when they admitted they were being paid back for the wrong they’d done to Joseph.
I wonder if Joseph had ever wished he could’ve been a fly on the wall in his family’s home during the years after they sold him. Surely he must’ve wondered what his brothers had told their father. He must’ve wondered if they ever felt guilt or remorse. He finally had the opportunity to hear and see them admit their guilt, and it brought forth a deluge of emotions. Joseph had to turn away from his brothers during their conversation or surely they would’ve recognized him due to his emotional overflow.
Joseph made his brothers watch while Simeon was tied up as a prisoner. I’m betting he had a moment of satisfaction as he watched the fear flicker across their faces. While it appears that Joseph was being kind by returning his brothers’ money, I suspect he had dual motives knowing what would happen when they discovered their money in their bags.
*****
If you’ve ever experienced long-term, unresolved family conflict, you know your emotions can seem like a rollercoaster ride. You may experience grief and weeping one moment, then anger the next. And if you’re ever lucky enough to get to the point where you’ve buried the pain and mostly forgotten the heartache, the solid ground beneath you can split wide open without warning and break your heart all over again.
You are familiar with sleepless nights. You know the turmoil that comes with not knowing what to do next. You can identify with wanting revenge and simultaneously wanting to hear the remorseful admission of those who hurt you. You know the guilt associated with wanting them to hurt as much as you hurt.
I know. I’ve been there. I’m still there. I won’t tell you to forget or forgive or move forward. I won’t give you any advice. All I know is this: It’s okay. It’s all okay. Because, eventually, one way or another, you (and I) will be okay.
