If you missed Part 1, click here to read.
The heart is valuable simply because life flows from it. It leads us.
Two years ago was the first time I encountered the idea that my heart wasn’t evil. I’d spent a lifetime learning that at the core of every person was a wicked heart that wanted to do evil continually.
I knew the verse about God giving new hearts, but the reality of what that meant never hit home with me until I read Rooms by James Rubart. In that book, I read that a new heart meant a good heart…one that is led by Holy Spirit. It meant that just maybe I could trust my heart instead of always silencing it.
From time to time I tested it out, following it. And I began to find that it led me to my passions of writing and, eventually, music. Slowly, I began to trust the heart beating inside of me. And it felt safe to expose it…in my writing and in relationships.
But the enemy’s target is always the heart, and mine was no different. So between years of silence and words intended to hurt and blatant rejections, I withdrew my heart behind my shield of protection.
And that’s where it’s been for quite a while. In hiding.
* * * * *
I’d been struggling through writing part 1 and was three-quarters of the way through when I went to my first prophetic prayer service. My friend had been once before, and invited me to attend with her.
Keep in mind that good Baptists don’t buy into prophetic spoken words. So I went with my armor on, my skepticism and cynicism no doubt vibing all over the room. My heart was locked behind a fortress, and I was determined to be stone-faced throughout the service. I even told my friend that the prophet would have to speak some specific words for me to believe anything he had to say.
While the service deserves its own blog post, one particular word applies here. When the prophet asked to pray for me, I agreed, and immediately closed my eyes. I determined to keep my eyes shut so as not to give him any indication of whether or not what he was saying applied to my life in any way. But at some point, he asked me to look at him, and that’s when God spoke through him…directly to my heart.
What he said sent tears streaming down my face. He tenderly said that I held up a shield all around me and that I only allowed people to come so far before making them stop. He went on to say that the only way the shield would come down was for me to be vulnerable; and in that vulnerability, God would protect me and protect my heart.
Excuse me? What was that you just said? Protect my heart? Wait a minute. I haven’t published that blog post yet. I’m not even finished writing it! I don’t even know where I’m going with it, or what I believe about it!And in that moment, God confirmed that He’s the one that protects and guards my heart. He showed me that I don’t have to live with my heart between two extremes.
But just a day and a half later, that word was challenged. I sat in church and listened to a sermon about “always” guarding my heart, my mind and my life. I could feel legalism and behavior modification whispering in my ear. And all I could think about was how inept I am at being my own guard, and isn’t that Holy Spirit’s job? Had God not spoken so clearly to me just a couple of nights before, I would’ve believed that guarding my life…my heart…was my responsibility. I would’ve felt a burden I’m not sure I could bear.
So as I took notes, I let my mind wander to an example. I thought about how I value my house and the things in it, but I’m not always available to guard it. I have to trust that when I leave, it will be there when I return. And that’s when this whole guarding-my-heart issue was settled for me…when I realized that the key factor is trust.
I have to trust that the heart God placed inside of me is good, and that Holy Spirit leads me into all truth, and that knowing the truth makes me free. And I have to trust that when I don’t trust, God sees my heart, not my actions. I have to trust that the suffering of Christ granted me the freedom to live freely. And I have to trust that if I’m vulnerable, He will protect me and my heart.
Engaging my mind and living in truth is a result of trust. When I trust, I believe with my mind that Holy Spirit is leading my heart into truth, protecting me from the enemy.
I can trust the Protector of my heart. It’s that simple.
