I can remember many holidays tainted with arguments, tension and anxiety. I’ve spent many holidays playing the role I was expected to play {quiet, compliant and pleasing} in hopes of peace.
Holidays are stressful anyway due to extra activities and added financial costs, but throw extended family problems into the mix, and a full-blown disaster seems imminent.
Last year was the first time I chose to hold on to myself. I chose to be me, to not play a role. And the holidays were different.
With much coaching from my counselor and much time spent weighing outcomes, I made the decision to walk away from tradition. I won’t deny that the anxiety leading up to the holidays was almost unbearable. I wasn’t sure if I’d made the best decision. I almost crossed my own boundaries in order to relieve my anxiety, and to please everyone else.
But I stuck with the choice to do things differently, and was so glad I did. The holidays were peaceful…and I was able to be myself. Sure, there were moments of sadness and longing, but those moments paled in comparison to the realization that I was able to relax and enjoy the holidays.
When you’re making major life changes, sometimes traditions have to go, whether temporarily or permanently. In either case, a new normal has to be established. The most difficult part of first experiences with a new normal is often that of just getting through them. Everything inside longs for things to be as they’ve always been. But once that first time is over, and you realize you’ve survived it, the new normal becomes a little easier each time.
While last year wasn’t my first experience with a new normal, it was my first time to experience a new normal during the holidays. I survived, and this year will be a little easier…because the first time is over.
If your holidays are going to be different this year, embrace the opportunity to establish a new normal. Be willing to feel the emotions of sadness and longing, but also be willing to make the choice to find joy and contentment in the new. You’ll be glad you did.
