I’m not sure if I never realized it, or if I just never wanted to admit it…
but I’m a bit of a control freak.
I’ve seen that about myself recently. I have pictures in my mind of the way things should be, and when they don’t turn out quite like I picture, I grasp and cling to what I think they should be. I’m having to learn to accept that God may have other plans.
Anita Mathias recently wrote an article with which I could identify: On Killing “Isaac” For God’s Fullest Blessing. She said, Absolute surrender would deal with the sulkiness when what we want is taken, or when we are not given what we want, or are given what we do not want. She also quoted Mother Teresa’s definition of holiness: Holiness is giving what he takes from us, and taking what he gives us with a big smile.
I identified my “Isaac” long ago: music. It’s the one area where I repeatedly have to give up my idea of how I think it should play out in my life. And each time I relinquish my hold, and accept circumstances as they are, God leads me in a new {and better} direction. Granted, the wait time is often lengthy, and is where I have to practice gratitude, but His grace comforts me in the waiting.
I can trace His hand through music in my life. Eleven years ago, I pictured myself as a women’s worship leader. When that failed, I gave up music with a rebellious attitude. When I finally started singing again, I was thankful just to have been given even a small opportunity. That’s when He moved me in the direction of writing, which eventually led to “Captured.”
Now I’m in another waiting period…learning to accept that His plan may be different than my picture. And with each utter of thankfulness for the music and opportunities He has already given, I trust that His ways are good and better than mine.
I surrender my “Isaac” again…to what He wants to do through music in my life.
