My family moved frequently when I was growing up. I had no choice but to leave friends behind. Of course, there were always promises of returning to visit, but being a child, I had little control over the matter, so I rarely saw those left behind.

Unconsciously, I quickly learned to cut my losses and move on. After all, I’d make new friends to take the place of those I’d left. I’m not positive how I came to have that mindset. It’s warped, and one I still struggle with even today.

I sat on my front porch late last night, admiring the lit trees full of thick leaves, and the stars shimmering in the sky like little diamonds. As I enjoyed the peace of a quiet night, my heart was troubled. I thought about all the wounds I’ve been carrying close to my heart, like they’re sacred friends. I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately…how I’ve tried to cut my losses and move on.

But something struck me last night. I’m not a little girl with no control over my life anymore. Cutting my losses and moving on isn’t working for me anymore; it’s just causing more wounds. I’ve realized that I have to consciously choose to let go of the wounds…those sacred frienemies I’ve been carrying close to my heart. In choosing to let go, I allow room in my heart for beauty…for God to work miracles that result in joy.

You see, the difference in cutting my losses and choosing to let go is this: attitude. The former is an attitude that reeks of Oh well, I can’t do anything about what happened anyway, but I’ll hold on to the hurt. The latter is one that whispers, I can’t change what happened, but I’ll accept who I am today as a result of it, and hold on to hope that God will use it for good.