It’s only been a little over two months since I first named my grief: abandonment. I naively thought by naming it and beginning the healing process, I wouldn’t experience it again. I’ve only taken baby steps into healing, and abandonment is already showing up in my life again. And it hurts.

I tried to outrun my anger and sadness. Literally. I ran. Hard…{albeit, not fast}! And I fussed at God: Really? Again already? I thought You were healing me from this! Dammit. Why?

You know what He said? Nothing. Nothing at all.

The ironic thing is that this comes right around the same time I’m facing and mourning my wounds, seeking God for comfort. Instead, another wound piles on.

I feel like I have a choice to make: trust God with yet another wound, or turn from Him and bury this one too.

On Sunday, the pastor shared a Puritan quote: If we are completely satisfied in Jesus, sin no longer entices us.

I disagree.

Entice is defined as attract or tempt by offering pleasure or advantage. It is synonymous with tempt, allure, seduce.

Jesus himself was enticed…tempted…seduced just after His Father had announced, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased. Was He not completely satisfied in the Father? Yet, he was most definitely tempted. He just didn’t cave to the pressure.

At this time when I’ve been so insistent on seeking to be in the Father’s presence, I am tempted to run from Him. The sin of self-sufficiency has not lost its allure…