I’m in a war with myself: needs versus wants. For months, I’ve been struggling with this. For example, I loathe our living room furniture. I know exactly what kind of furniture I want for that room. I’ve been to the furniture store, looked at the options, sat on the couches, and…coveted. I want new furniture. But, I don’t need it. While our couch is not particularly comfortable, and it’s certainly dirty from eleven years of children, it’s not broken. It’s not like my family is having to sit on the floor (and if they were, would that really be so bad?).

I become more and more frustrated with myself and my children when we whine about not getting something we want. I realize that I’m the one who’s spoiled my children (and myself) to this point, and it’s difficult to reverse that mindset. Recently, I find myself often saying, There are people in this world who don’t even have food to eat. Don’t complain. We have more than we need.

In his book, Radical, David Platt says:

Convicting to the core, isn’t it? Only, for me, this is just one of many passages God has led me to over the last few months. He has practically placed books, passages, blogs, and more on this topic right in front of me.

My family has started taking small steps towards giving our time and resources to those in need. Yet it’s not enough. Since I’ve begun to open my eyes to the needy and hurting, locally and world-wide, I find myself more and more disgusted with the way my family has lived.

Just last night, Mark and I sat down for an hour to watch one of our favorite t.v. shows. Ten minutes in, I was fidgety and couldn’t concentrate. I was frustrated with the time we were wasting and the t.v. we were staring at. I sat there and looked around the room at all the stuff that just sits atop tables and hangs on the walls, collecting dust. Stuff. And there are people who don’t even have homes.

I know what you’re thinking: she’s gone off the deep end. No, I haven’t…not yet. But maybe I should. Right now I’m searching for balance in this area. But I’m beginning to wonder if maybe there’s no balance to be found. Maybe I am to go overboard…