I made a decision in early January to not read any Christian books or Bible studies for three months. It was difficult to follow through because I’m an avid reader. I ended up reading one book which I wrote about here. Other than that, the only things I read were the Bible and select blog posts.
At the end of three months, I have discovered just how much of my belief system came from authors’ opinions and Biblical interpretations, rather than from my own personal experiences with God.
Over the course of the three months, God revealed characteristics about Himself that I desperately needed to know. He is the gentle, intimate lover of my soul. His grace reaches deeper and wider than I ever imagined. He delights in working through people and situations that many church-goers would deny. He is far more patient than any legalist would admit. He speaks and makes Himself known through conversation.
I needed to get to know Him…really know Him…for myself. I didn’t want to study about Him or read someone else’s experience with Him. I’ve done that since childhood. I needed Him to meet me in my questioning, my cynicism, my skepticism.
Serena Woods, author of Grace Is For Sinners, said once in a blog post: I don’t think that God always tells the person with OCD that he doesn’t need to wash his hands five times. I think He makes sure he always has soap.*
I believe that’s what He’s done for me. He answered my heart’s deepest questions when I needed it most. He didn’t deny my questioning, nor did He shame me for giving up Bible studies and books. He didn’t discipline me for being cynical and skeptical of all the religious garbage floating around. He simply provided.
Having been through this experience, there are some authors to which I won’t return. He’s already provided books by authors I’ve never read that validate my experience with Him over the last three months. And I can’t say for sure if or when I’ll do another Bible study. I found that God spoke clearly while I read and studied the Bible. For now, I think need more of that and less of other people’s interpretations.
Linking with Emily for Imperfect Prose
*Read more: http://www.graceisforsinners.com/drowning-the-girl/ Under Creative Commons License: Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives
