I made a decision in early January to not read any Christian books or Bible studies for three months. It was difficult to follow through because I’m an avid reader. I ended up reading one book which I wrote about here. Other than that, the only things I read were the Bible and select blog posts.
At the end of three months, I have discovered just how much of my belief system came from authors’ opinions and Biblical interpretations, rather than from my own personal experiences with God.
Over the course of the three months, God revealed characteristics about Himself that I desperately needed to know. He is the gentle, intimate lover of my soul. His grace reaches deeper and wider than I ever imagined. He delights in working through people and situations that many church-goers would deny. He is far more patient than any legalist would admit. He speaks and makes Himself known through conversation.
I needed to get to know Him…really know Him…for myself. I didn’t want to study about Him or read someone else’s experience with Him. I’ve done that since childhood. I needed Him to meet me in my questioning, my cynicism, my skepticism.
Serena Woods, author of Grace Is For Sinners, said once in a blog post: I don’t think that God always tells the person with OCD that he doesn’t need to wash his hands five times. I think He makes sure he always has soap.*
I believe that’s what He’s done for me. He answered my heart’s deepest questions when I needed it most. He didn’t deny my questioning, nor did He shame me for giving up Bible studies and books. He didn’t discipline me for being cynical and skeptical of all the religious garbage floating around. He simply provided.
Having been through this experience, there are some authors to which I won’t return. He’s already provided books by authors I’ve never read that validate my experience with Him over the last three months. And I can’t say for sure if or when I’ll do another Bible study. I found that God spoke clearly while I read and studied the Bible. For now, I think need more of that and less of other people’s interpretations.
Linking with Emily for Imperfect Prose
*Read more: http://www.graceisforsinners.com/drowning-the-girl/ Under Creative Commons License: Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives
You are one brave lady, Rebekah. You’ve gone against the conventional Christian tide. I announced to my “circle” women at church this week that I, while not always observing Lent because it is not part of my faith tradition, had given up reading Christian books during that time. One of your earlier posts about your book-and-Bible-study fast, was one of God’s confirmations that I was to give up reading Christian books during Lent (while I hadn’t thought about Bible studies, per se, I lumped those in w/ books and just read the Bible….or maybe poetry books at afternoon tea time, but nothing with spiritual Christian content). When I told the women this, they didn’t bat an eye, but I wonder if they thought it was odd or suspect. I know my daughter was rather surprised, epsecially because I am a Christian auhor (for heaven’s sakes!). But it was liberating. I realize how often I go from book to book to get an author’s take on how to live the Christian life or to understand the Bible, without just going to the Author Himself. And reading so many books also feeds my perfectionistic bent to find a perfect solution and is also my way of procrastinating at doing what God has already shown me to do. Also, during a scary time with a bad medical report and need for surgery, it was so comforting simply to feed on God’s Word alone. Over and over and over again, He comforted me through repeated readings of Psalms 91 & 103. He graciously did not allow my surgery results (biopsy) to be catastrophic, and He and His Word were sufficient for this crisis…….along, of course, with prayer. And now that Lent is over……and your fast is over…….what will we do? Looks as if you already know in part. And I need to seek the Lord’;s will. I hardly think it is wrong to read Christian books (and I’m even praying about whether or not to write another one)…..but which ones, why, and how often? These are only things that God can show me. I do thank you again for your courage and honesty and your willingness to be used in an encouraging way in others’ lives. No time to proof this.
Thank you again!
Lynn
yes. I have felt this way too, lately. I just want to hear from God himself. I’m tired of people’s opinions. Although I DO love that quote about the soap and the OCD 🙂